Truly Accepted
By Catherine Pope
The disagreeable bookkeeping task on my computer screen dragged to a halt as my attention was captured by the ladies golf tournament my husband was watching on television. A young woman held a commanding lead over her opponents. She executed skilful shots and demonstrated control of the situation, but she was not one of the “chosen ones,” the media loved. Though she was dressed stylishly, her large, economy size did not match the perfect picture of the popular golf icons. The announcers barely acknowledged her shots and quickly cut to one of the camera preferred athletes with their ribbons, dangling earrings, designer sunglasses and orthodontist perfect teeth. My irritation and empathy for her grew as I mentally traveled my own journey from seeking acceptance from others to the safe haven of acceptance from the Heavenly Father.
As an only child, and the first grandchild on both sides, I was lavished with love and undivided attention. My first experience with rejection came upon entering school. The qualities most desirable to my schoolmates were not within my grasp. My athletic skills were zero. A skinny and ungainly kid grew into a chubby, clumsy pre-teen. Most playground activities were observed from the sidelines or merciless teasing was the reward in my few attempts at participation. Daydreams made me graceful and sought after, so solitude was preferred. Music and books were my best friends. They didn’t have tough acceptance rules or harsh, competitive spirits.
The teenage years were somewhat better. Hormones helped to perfect the body and attract the attention of the male persuasion. My physical abilities still had not improved, however, so cheerleading and athletics were out of the question. My energy went into student government and the arts. Organization and cooperation skills were needed in high school, so I was able to carve a niche for myself. Brains and knowledge were liabilities, so a great deal of time was spent in group activities that held no interest for me. Participation and group activity should have satisfied my need for acceptance, right? Somehow they didn’t. Now what?
Prince Charming came along and swept me away on his white horse. My princess perfection only lasted through the honeymoon, though. I found that he too, had rigid expectations. (Never mind that mine for him were just as out of reach.) Keeping Camelot in the happily ever after state was a lot harder than the storybooks told. Maintaining a perfectly kept house and preparing tempting meals while looking like the magazine models took work—hard work. Imagine that! It looked so easy on the television shows. Why couldn’t I pull it off?
Motherhood brought new pressures. The parenting magazines goal of well-behaved, respectful, happy children that were smart and talented made it all too tempting to succumb to competing with all the perfect moms in my circle of acquaintance. Their snack day treats were so special and party day activities we so creative. My contributions seemed pretty dull and simple. Oh dear. Maybe this new magazine article will give me some good ideas. Oh yeah, that will work, but now, how do I get my budget to match?
It is natural to want to be loved, admired and accepted. But, attempting perfection and avoiding rejection are relentless taskmasters. It is easy to fall into the trap of trying to perfect and change myself to meet other people’s expectations. The only problem is that what is expected today changes by tomorrow and I will always be one step behind, so once again I am feeling rejection.
Is there a way to avoid the snare that the world lays to keep us off balance and always unsatisfied?
For me, the answer came in making Jesus Christ, Lord of my life. There is a difference in just having salvation and making Jesus my Lord and Master. I listen to his voice not outside voices. I follow his leading not marketing pressure. My self image is based on his Word not magazine models.
A lifelong love for reading drew me into the Word of God. The Spirit of God is the most amazing teacher. One of the first promises that I made my own was Ephesians 1:3-6 KJV.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ:
According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:
Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,
To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.”
I am His and He is mine! The truth of this scripture, applied to me, took me back in the state of complete love and acceptance that I experienced as an only child. It has moved me through every stage of my life with His grace and gives me permission to be what He wants not what I think the world wants.
Does the temptation still arise to meet unreachable expectations? Absolutely. Every advertisement that promises unending youth, fashionable beauty or lithe, hard bodies cries to be heard. Articles showing a well known personalities talking about how they have it all—attention, fame, money and success—whispers, “You could achieve that.” Fashion magazines presenting ridiculous clothing on anorexic bodies somehow don’t work on my not so slim grandmotherly frame. Homemaking magazines showing showcase homes say, “Come on, woman. This could be yours.”
A press release dated April 13, 2006 from the NPD Group, Inc. reports that sales of beauty products in the
A recent radio poll stated 83% of us are on a diet at any given time. A study in 1999 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention states that Americans spend $33 billion a year on weight-loss products and services. That much money should be able to buy perfect bodies shouldn’t it? .
The relentless pressure is even affecting our young daughters. They are listening to our body image anxiety and transferring it to themselves.
Is caring for my body and putting my best self forward wrong? No, but when the yawning perfection trap opens in front of me, the Holy Spirit speaks softly to my heart, “Superficial acceptance from the people around you will never bring lasting satisfaction. My acceptance does. Rest on that promise, my child. I love you just as you are.”
I will watch my golfer friend with interest this season. I pray that she knows the “acceptance in the beloved” and that the path she has chosen is successful and satisfying for her.